Please tell me when all this missing and pain will go away. I want the day where I'm surrounded by loud voices and louder music and I don't reach for my phone, only to type a message I know I'll never send. I want warm hugs and warmer sleeps and late late late talks and brave open arms and braver loving. I want smiles that can't be washed away and anticipation that the subway can't contain. I want the day to come where I don't wipe away a tear (or two, or three) while surrounded by loud voices and louder music. I want to feel like myself again.