tick tock

I'm someone that holds tight to the past and often suffers the consequences that follow. I'm also someone that compares the present to the past all too much. I like to compare present to past through contained units of time. For example, it's Easter this weekend, and I still remember exactly where I was a year ago. We were still a we and we were up north with his family and we were eating two kinds of pie and we were sipping wine and we were gobbling turkey and we were laughing laughing laughing and we were falling asleep in the bluest room and we were driving down 400-series highways and we were happy.

Sometimes a year seems like forever, and other times, like tonight, it feels like the blink of an eye. How did it get to this? How did I get here (alone)? Howhowhowhowhow?

And sometimes I think that I'll stop comparing present to past when I can no longer trace things back a year. A year and one month doesn't have the same ring to it. Or is this simply how long the mourning process takes? It may seem a tad dramatic and drawn out, but it can never be too dramatic or too drawn out when you and he were a we and the we of you were happy.