Everytime I go home, my parents seem older than they were the last time I left. The signs are small but telling. A missed turn. The way my dad holds the wheel a bit tighter than before. The names my mom now forgets. The story that never gets told quite right. And everytime I leave, the panic sets in and I wake with tears streaming down my face and the nightmare of life without them. They are fragile and fading and even though I know they are stronger than I think, time keeps passing and they are becoming more fragile and they are stil fading and their stories aren't being told and so why don't I ask them about these stories sometime? I worry that one day the stories I tell of my parents will only be just that. Mere stories of fragile and fading memories to people who never felt my mom's warmest warmth and my dad's big beautiful heart.
But how do you tell two people who don't see themselves as fragile or fading what you fear and how do you hug these two people you love more than anything in a way that says everything you feel?
2 comments:
was blog surfing and this post stopped me in my tracks... My mom's 91 years old, living here. I just hold on an extra minute. you know? It's kind of the opposite of someone who shakes your hand and holds-on for too long for that uncomfortable few seconds. Heartfelt post. thanks ;)(and thanks for the James Taylor line!!)
I was going through random blogs and saw this post. It was very touching. I have the same fear about my mom (my dad passed away when I was 16). Last year when my mom was in the hospital with heart issues, I laid my heart out on the table to her. I told her everything I wanted to tell her just in case she didn't make it. I broke down. My mom is a foundation of my life, I love her so much. I felt a lot better getting things out. Thank you for posting such a personal thing...very well written.
GS
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